reprimand

so its happened. apparently i didnt knock on the right wood or something. like one day after my last post i got it. i have now had two stern talkings to. apparently one should never attempt to make learning more interesting than the shit the book gives you. oh well, sucks for the poor bastards in my class who now have to be bored to death for the remainder of the year. anywho, here goes another humorous post from mcsweeneys. i anticipate carlson enjoying this more than anyone else, simply due to his strange affinity for anything related to the eighty's. it has no hasselhoff reference, but i still think he will enjoy it.

The A-Team Resolves Lapses in Homeland Security.
BY RYAN BOUDINOT
- - - -
Threat: Al
Qaeda operatives use New York City tourist helicopters to crash into
targets.
Solution: Erect fake backdrops of New York City skyline at
helicopter landing pads. Use smoke machines to generate artificial fog.
Rejigger
instrument panel to falsely indicate helicopter is gaining
altitude. Disguise
Murdock and B.A. as pilots. When terrorists express
confusion, clock them with
helicopter helmets.
Threat: Terrorists
detonate bomb loaded with nuclear
materials in heavily populated
area.
Solution: Murdock and Face knock on door
of terrorist sleeper cell
disguised as pest-control authorities. Meanwhile,
Hannibal unleashes
cockroaches in air vents to give terrorists the willies.
Murdock and Face
gain entry. While terrorists' attention is diverted, replace
radioactive
materials with horse manure. Later, when bomb detonates harmlessly,
have
B.A. deliver line, "Now that's what I call a dirty bomb."
Threat: Car
bomb.
Solution: With soldering iron and sheets of corrugated tin,
disguise
urban assault vehicle as ice-cream truck. As terrorist parks
bomb-loaded
vehicle, Murdock engages terrorist in argument about whose
parking space it is.
While terrorist is diverted, Face enters vehicle and
snips bomb wires with wire
cutter. Should a high-speed chase ensue, use
grenade launchers mounted beneath
ice-cream truck to make terrorist's
vehicle explode and flip onto its roof.
Watch terrorist groggily climb from
vehicle, clutching head.
Threat: Shipping
containers packedwith explosive
materials.
Solution: Tranquilize B.A. with
drugged powdered donut. Fly
drugged B.A. to Pakistan, to meet Face and Hannibal,
both disguised as
radical clerics. Locate plans for ship-container plot
employing the
seductive help of token female member of A-Team. Hide B.A. in
shipping
container. Upon arrival at American port, have B.A. burst from shipping
container in dune buggy he crafted from materials found in container. Have
Hannibal chew cigar and deliver line, "I love it when a plan comes
together."