*insert excuse here*

i know. ive gotta do better than this. though certainly the world knows by now that it should expect nothing from me, and deal with the uninspired ramblings it gets. anyhow, what follows is a short post about my domination in the tourney so far, my night on the town in athens, and little else.

the tourney is my bitch. i guess really the tourney pick em group started by carlson is my bitch, but whatever. some quick stats- i am leading said pool by like 40 points, which may not sound like a lot, and indeed for a moment i was worried about being caught from behind. but then i noticed a little field labled PPR- standing of course for "possible points remaining", which should essentially tell us how real my chances of winning are. carlson, my nearest competitor has exactly 680 ppr, which aint half bad. he should however be crushed to see that i still have a grand total of 1000 ppr, which means i will certainly destroy him in the weeks to come. anyhow, this is boring even me, not to mention what horrendous karma gloating shall bring upon me. anyhow, moving on...

so on saturday, inspired by the biller and his planned adventure, i decide to head to athens to visit the danimal in his natural habitat. after arriving round 6ish we make for wild wing for some dinner at oh, say 7ish. needless to say, the beer was flowing. we had no specific plans for the evening and ended up staying for quite some time at wild wing- eating, drinking, and merrymaking of course- i had to switch sides of the table as some dude in my line of sight spent entirely too much time with his hands stowed away in his armpits while somehow managing to still entertain the two ladies at his table all by himself. this was too much to take (though the company he was keeping was not impressive at all), what with the whole armpit posture and all, so soon after switching sides of the table we head off to barhop it up. being old and fat, we are not exactly the hoppers we once were. we land in molly o'sheas, where the beer tastes beery and the tv is close and showing basketball. i of course would love to see a west virginia upset since it would make me look like a prognosticating god (see above), and so we cannot leave until all overtime periods have been played and wake forest has been thoroughly pittsnogled. by this point we all have a decent buzz i am sure, and are again ready to at least make another short hop, so we head off with little specific direction in mind. we decide to head to boars head, but dan and billy get sidetracked when we pass flanagan's as a bachelorette party heads into said bar. with a two to one vote, a u-turn is decided upon. i do not like flanagan's, but since it was pretty much dead as a possum playing dodge the buick, it wasnt as awful as usual. billy has at this point i believe called joes sister and chris bruce's sister in hopes of hooking up with their slutty friend who he tried to flirt with last time, but had little success as she instead favored the company of many intoxicating beverages, and didnt last long enough to be assaulted by touchy mcfeely himself. anyhow, we stand there in the mostly empty bar watching the antics of this group of girls who are apparently scavenging up a list of items on a sheet one holds in her hand. upon hearing that they are looking for a will, old origami volunteers the biller, who upon hearing the news that he was a will was quite taken aback, until he realized that is, that billy and will are both short for william, which he is indeed. that settled, he poses for a picture with the group of debutantes, then lets them hurry on their way. they scatter and reconvene at odd intervals; its kind of like watching a bunch of ants rebuild their hill after a twelve year old d steps in it while mowing the lawn. anyhow, one asks me if i have a condom, to which i offer an answer of "if only," and she rapidly heads back to the hill to report the futility of her search to the queen. dan has at this point been up well past his bedtime, so he bids us adieu and exits stage left, since the younger williams and the younger bruce and their crew have shown up and promise us a ride and a place to stay if need be. the danimal gone but not forgotten, and the slutty friend of the youngers williams and bruce (heretofore to be abbreviated tywb, or tyw and tyb respectively) nowhere in site, the biller abondons plan a and veers immediately into plan b (which shall be known as mission "do as i say, not as i do" or "the derosa- v2"), which basical entails billy attempting to woo the younger bruce.

i will at this point pause to bring you the story of my first visit to the lovely facilities at flanagan's. nothing graphic though i promise (cue disappointed groans). i enter the loo only to be greeted by anonymous black man with hat who looks at me and says disapprovingly "you aint got no hos with you," looks at the next dude he sees, repeats himself, moves on to dude three, who he apparently judges to have some talent, and wobbles on out of the powder room. he has apparently been powdering his nose at some point that evening as he seems much more high than drunk. anyhow, after my meet and greet with such a fine gentleman and scholar i head back to the table to visit with old three-and-out and company.

back to the narrative at hand. biller continues to flirt with tyb while drinking. i continue to stare at the wall and give the old heisman stiff arm to any females entering a three foot radius, as it seems more fun for me on this particular night to do. a parade of seriously sketchy individuals comes and goes from any empty spots at the table we occupy. final one sketchy individual decides to call our table his own. he is of course the anonymous black man from the little boys room. he apparently knows tywb and has come with them to the bar. of course. he sits down and surveys the people around him. he makes some lovely smalltalk ("fuck you") with those at the table before turning to me and saying "I already met you." i should remind you here that he is fucking blasted and is talking slow, spitting, slurring, and cursing all at the asme time so that his speech is more hodgepodged gibberish than anything else. i tell him that he hasnt met me per se, but instead insulted me while in the holiest of all rooms. he mutters something, and i attempt to disengage from this conversation. he however, seems interested only in continuing his verbal onslaught and giving me im-about-to-fucking-hit-you-in-the-nose looks to drive his points home. he amuses me somewhat, while also making me want to like move my wallet to my front pocket. my approach is of course to just stare back at him until he tires of staring at a face obviously made to be shared with the rest of the room. finally last call rings out and we get set to skedaddle. unfortunately we must take odell or steve (he apparently goes by both) home with us, as his ride is passed out on tywb's couch. so off we go, and before long are at the home of tywb, where we must awaken odells ride or be stuck with him all night long. needless to say, she is awake in a matter of seconds. we try to shove them out the door, but are lectured first by odell steve about not laying a hand on either of our two hosts. i of course, in an effort to ingratiate myself to old odellsteve before he goes, rearrange his directive into a rhyming couplet: "put in a movie/ dont touch the booty." a slant rhyme i admit. he likee though. so odellsteve exits with a great deal of panache, and we pull out the old sofa bed for me to lay my head. at this point the plan is for the biller to rest there as well, but no one in the apartment actaully thinks that will be the case. and so i remove another beer form its wrapper and continue to indulge while sandy heads upstairs to seal the deal or whatever. tyw shows me how to operate the vcr (as i am a good boy and will be heeding odellsteve's advice), and retires to her room. i sit up a bit and watch blow, up to the part where it gets boring to me, after the wife dies. soon enough i am laying down preparing for restful slumber. but no rest will come on such an unfriendly sleeping surface. but wait, there is a perfectly good, unoccupied bedroom right upstairs. but alas, we have been directed to stay out of that room, for its inhabitant is an unfriendly beast when her territory is breached. so i head into tyw's room to basically plead my case, and hopefully gain entrance into the forbidden room. she is quite inebriated however, and i guess a bit confused, and misunderstands my request. she says, "um, ok, you stay here, i'll go out there." and she gets up and leaves. hmm. not exactly what i had in mind, but a big empty real bed nonetheless. so i crawl in and make myself at home. i hear her after one or two minutes of attempted sofa-bed tolerance head up the stairs to the forbidden room herself. i awake in the morning feeling like quite the asshole for kicking the poor young girl out of her bed, but she insists she was too drunk to mind sleeping upsatirs instead. the biller eventually emerges from tyb's room and we call the warden to come pick us up. soon we are on our way back to danimal's abode, and soon after that i am headed back to the atl. and everyone lived happily ever after, except billy who has to call chris bruce and explain himself, but like i always say, better him than me. the end.