absence makes the heart grow fonder

please forgive my prolonged absence from blogging here. it is impossible to keep a computer running in this fucking house. somehow they all seem to blow up. this one is in fact hardly working as i type now. it is so slow i feel as though it would be quicker to use an ancient commodore. anyhow, i feel i am pressing my luck by typing even this much. farewell my friends. perhaps i will speak to you soon. if there is a long period of silence and darkness, do not despair. i shall return again, someday.

when weed just isnt enough

two years after rushing for over 1800 yards, ricky williams fails a drug test (allegedly, like thats fooling anyone) and then opts to breach his monstrous contract and head for greener pastures, those being largely unknown to us commoners without the means to just up and leave our jobs and lives and families. now months later, he reappears, ironically in a place called grass valley. this man is a total fucking crackpot, crack being the key syllable there. if only i had so many millions and nothing to do with them.

also, my little kiddie basketball team may not suck quite so bad this year. my like 6th and 7th round picks showed up last night and just started shooting lights out from 3 point range. and since we all know from jim harrick jr's final exam that a 3 point shot is worth three points, my team may acually be able to drop more than the 2 they pulled once in a half last year. im talking like pick and roll to get these fuckers open on the perimeter. beyond that they can suck completely and i wouldnt care. just make it rain bitches. can anyone say dan langhi?

goddamn goddamn- elegy for a fry cook

ive been meaning to post this one for several days now. for those of you who may be familiar with the staff of miss katies sidebaord, i am hereby reporting the sad news of the passing of old brother kevin jones, the coolest dude i ever met who had neither of his two front teeth. carlson, i insist you drink a beer in his memory; on second thought, make it a malt liquor. i blame this whole thing on the totally fucked up management at that place, the fucking pinkos who insisted on firing everyone with one iota about what the fuck they were doing. kary tells me jeff will be totally fucked at the end of the year when it comes time to do inventory, which would be beautiful. that guy deserves the shitstorm that should rain down upon him soon. i only hope that that scott cocksucker goes down underneath a mountain of shit as well. anyhow, this post has strayed from its original intent, and we shall end with a moment of silence.











farewell, and a fond middle finger pointed in your direction. goddamn goddamn.

wanna be a brawler

ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous brawls this weekend in the world of sports. first the pacers and pistons, what with ron artest leaping into the crowd to pummel some dude. what a fucking moron. and in dteroit? they may have to redo the rankings here. he deserves everything he gets for this one. i hear its costing him like 5 million dollars just in lost pay for his season length suspension. just wait til the fuker who got his ass kicked gets his day in court. holy damages. artest is gonna be a broke man. but i guess now he can gfocus all his energy into promoting his rap album. i hear the whole basketball thing was really dragging him down. and how about jermaine oneal and stephen jackson out til like the all star break practically. they too have massive contracts and will not be getting paid. dumb fuckers. and then theres the team. how fucked are the pacers. right now they have two reserves and cannot add anyone to the roster. their strating lineup includes some dude named james jones. who the fuck is he? well, at least theyve got freddie jones and austin croshere to carry the load. jesus, even in the east that aint gonna cut it. morons. i hope that team loses like 50 games now. fucking idiots.

and then theres the whole clemson-south carolina thing. in lou holtzes last game as a gamecock, or at least last regular season game, his team goes nuts on clemson, who in turn goes nuts right back. melee. and both teams are now bowl eligible. i say ban them both from the fucking postseason if they cannot control themselves. and then i hear fucking tommy bowden get on tv and blame the pacers and pistons and the media coverage for his team acting like fucking assholes. fire him now. he should be out back behind the wood shed fucking teeing off on these fuckers like singapore did michael fay in '94. blaming the media because "thats all they have been seeing on tv for the last 24 hours". fuck that. beat the fucking shit out of them and then make them run wind sprints til they fucking pass out.

now, moving on- spurrier in south carolina? why cant he go to the sec west. we all know the sec east doesnt need to be any tougher than it already is. next thing you know well have a fucking stoops at vandy or some such shit. enough spurrier. go terrorize some other conference. hell, the acc is looking for a decent team i hear. and the big ten is god awful. georgia just now beat your former team.

i have kiddie basketball practice tonight. i aim to win a game this year. i shall keep you posted, but promise nothing. i could have another "team three quarters" on my hands. i know one thing though; they will never go charging into the crowd to flail away at the fans. im out, like ron artest after a trip to detroit.

the voice of the losers

so i told you all about a week ago that i enjoy going to sites with morons responding to the election and pointing out their mistakes. well i was doing so last week and stumbled across some random blog (the same one i got the british letter thingie from) where this moron was ranting and shit. i of course posted on his comments to point out how mistaken he was- for instance he states that the founding fathers all hailed from blue states. in fact, only the adams boys (of the first five, maybe six?, i cannot recall now and will not go back and look again), were from "blue states". and then its something like 6 of the next seven. sure, ben franklin was from a blue state, but the point here is made. i also ripped into like two of his other points, which i will not repeat now for lack of time. however, when i went looking for this blog again, to check up on the authors response to my comment, i was unable to find it because apparently this dudes rant is now like world famous or some shit. i would not post it at all had i not seen one too many sites hailing it as genius. genius it is not. in fact it is riddled with mistruths and irrational statements, and i only post it now so that some of you may grow as furious as i have. dan, i expect great and righteous staements from you on my comment like. for now, that is all as i have much business to attend to. heres the rant from the halfwit- (go here to work the links)

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

hate to say i told you so

couldnt stop the run. missed a field goal in the first quarter. turnovers in the redzone. typical. i for one am not surprised that georgia lost. outback bowl, here we come. i bet we lose there too. fuck it.

daniel inman tried to pick a fight with some of our party downtown last night. guess hes trying to release some agression as he obviously didnt on the football field. how many false starts was that danny boy?

ive decided soccer isnt at ll popular in the good old us of a because of the fact that we americans like immediate gratification. theres too damn much waiting in soccer for points. football and baseball may be slow too, but think about it; the teams people like to watch are the ones with the instant offense factor. we like watching barry bonds jack homers and mike vick run 60 yards for a touchdown. soccer doesnt have this. sure it has quick scoring occasionally, but one man cant really do it all, and lets face it, thats the type of shit we like. because of this, soccer will remain on the relative d.l. in this grand nation of our, and for that matter so will hockey. hockey drunms up a tad bit more interest, but only because we americans dig violence and its got a tad bit more of that. now as for auto racing, i am still at a loss to explain its popularity. its just a car going around an oval. i had a toy track where i could do that when i was like 9. why i would want to watch someone else tooling around like that for hours i do not know. i suppose theres just no accounting for taste.

i hope auburn loses to alabama. that is all.

bulemic drinker

so the moms said something about drinking being to fattening tonight which made me think. i will now allow you all the distict priviledge of travelling through my thought process for a bit (minus the thoughts about flying cars and warp portals and mmmmm brownies and the like). so i havent been drinking for like probably a year now and i sure as hell havent lost any weight, which proves to me that this whole light beer phenomenon or low carb beer phenomenon is total horseshit. but then again, perhaps the ill effects (no pun intended) of my drinking were countered by the ill effects of my drinking (ok, pun intended this time). meaning this- i can sum up the pattern of my drinking days (and these days were many and glorious, if glory is to be defined by sloppiness and story worthy efforts by friends) in one relatively succinct word- bulemic. my drinking was characterized by a very noticable pattern of binging and purging, usually a two day process. so perhaps all of the calories i uploaded on evening one were downloaded one day two as i dry heaved and sometimes wet heaved and went for many hours unable to choke down even the most delectable dish. and so maybe for my first several years of college i would have been classified as a bulemic without even knowing so. i urge you all to perform random self-diagnoses, as it has proven to be quite enlightening and an overall good ole time. i will now go rub my bosom to see if there is a lump. wish me luck.

oh, those british rascals!

parts of this are pretty fucking hilarious, parts of it get a bit irritating and redundant. you will be able to figure out which parts are which.

and my prediciton for tomorrows game- auburn 31, ga 28. unless georgia stops the run and jason campbell totally collapses, which he will do if georgia stops the run, cause he just isnt really that good, in which case- ga 38, auburn 17. the difference is a couple of turnovers with a ga field goal on one, cause they still arent very good at punching it in when they get in the red zone. oh, and one further prediction- if ga misses a field goal in the first quarter, i will stop watching and the score will be- auburn 48, ga 7. that is all. heres the article i stole from some shitbags blogger.

The UK Home Office Response to US Election Result:

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "Shit". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.


Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Best wishes,

Great Britain

students- turn back now

my newest concern is brought about by my little counter thingie at the bottom of the screen. it lets me do all kinds of cool shit, like see how many people look at this here blogger, and how they got to this here blogger, and like what search terms they used to find this here blogger, etc. and i saw someone had searched on yahoo for info about huff and come across my blogger here, which leads me to believe that students are stumbling across my blog. this is an interesting quandary. do i care that my students may be seeing the blog? not particularly. nothing i have said on the blog should be too out of the ordinary for them. i do insult everyone quite regularly. though, on this here blogger my sarcasm seems to be missed every so often. i dotn know how it happens either, but seriously dude, this shit goes on, and i get emailed or commented by some terd sandwich (stolen from south park, cause i think it sounds funny) who thinks im like being totally serious. oh well. my little class of horrors hasnt done anything terribly interesting lately anyhow. i just typed the word "hensty" in an im. i was shooting for "honesty". not even close. i think it is time to stop typing. henstly.

damn the man, save the empire!

so, i come up with all this really great shit to blog about (often in the morning during my unnecessarily long showers; but the water feels so warm and good), and yet it never seems to make it to this page. one day im gonna like take a plastic sheet and sharpie into the shower with me and jot it all down. until that day comes, you will be stuck with blandness at this here blog site. for this i apologize. feel free to tell me how much i suck. i seem to get off on this kind of abuse. so the dude that had been emailing me telling me how much of a moron i was has given up. i sent him a long rambling email in which i actually explained why he was the moron, and it was apparently to much for him to take. i also thanked him at the end of my email for the insults. i was really looking forward to a response, but oh well, i have become used to disappointment.

i am currently reading the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay by michael chabon. its pretty damn good, though i have decided that chabon has some issues with his sexuality. why, you ask. well, like every single one of his books deals prominently with a major character experimenting with homosexuality (perhaps some of you know of wonder boys, his book which was made into the movie with michael douglas and toby maguire), which is all fine and dandy for lit, but hes kind of wearing the topic thin, and i dislike it when i know exactly what to expect from the get go. but the book is damn good, so no complaints.

anyhow, i am now off to nap. good day. i said good day!

another one bites the dust

im telling you dude, bad things may not happen to me, but they damn sure seem to happen around me an awful lot. watch yourself. that said, i will now post the following article from wsbradio.com, the same story i heard this morning while driving to work. it is of course about my former mentor teacher.

Teacher Sentenced for Relationship with Student

(WSB Radio) -- A former Gwinnett County teacher has been sentenced to two years for a sexual relationship with one of his high school students.

The judge in the case, Judge Constance Russell, rejected an attempt by the former teacher's attorney to get probation only with a guilty plea - giving him the stiffer sentence of two years, just one year less than the maximum allowed under law.

Timothy Huff, 32, was an English teacher at Shiloh High school who resigned in January after charges came to light that he had an improper relationship with a teenage girl. The case was tried in Fulton County because that is where the crimes took place. WSB News talked with the mother of the victim after the sentence was handed down and she said, "I was thrilled that Judge Constance Russell actually saw through everything and I was thrilled that he did not get just probation. "

The student was a senior at Shiloh High school and while she was 18 years old, the teacher was charged with assault of a person in custody and had pleaded guilty to the charge, hoping for a year's probation. However, based on the circumstances in the case, the judge refused the request. The victim's mother says she fears there may be other students who have been victimized by the former teacher. She tells WSB News "I would really hope that if there are any other students who had any relationship with him feel empowered to go ahead and contact authorities."

firther proof that nothing good comes from fornicating- ok, well maybe there is that whole orgasm thing, but nothing else.

heres a fun idea

go to a random blogger (use the "nest blog" button at the top of my blog page). continue until you find someone who is either bitching or gloating about the election. find a flaw in their reasoning, and simply point it out. do not even mention anything about the other party's candidate. watch the blogee fly off the handle via email or comment thingie. its top notch entertainment. ive been doing it for two days now. and man, when i tell them i didnt vote, because i thought all the candidates were shitbags, they totally lose it and call me names, and insult me for neglecting my civic duty. one called me a shallow narcissist. thats almost redundant, but i guess he really wanted to make his point. i do enjoy giving come hither looks to my reflection in the bathroom mirror. soemtimes i even fondle myself. have i gone to far? too far. ok. done.

boston morons

i found this on some idiots blogger today. seriously, boston seems to be just a concentration of the most fickle and unreasonably stupid people on the planet.

Yesterday someone said:
"What a wonderful time to live in Boston!" - they were speaking of the past Superbowl, the Democratic Convention, the Red Sox winning against the Yankees, the World Series and of course the concert last night as we all waited to see who would be elected as the next President of the U.S.

Then today someone said:
"I wish we could just get our city back... at least until the Superbowl."

I pretty much think those are both good comments on what it's like to live in Boston right now.

actually, here, shes got a space for comments. everyone should go there and tell her what a moron she is. man do i hate listening to morons from boston bitch about everything. that is my job, and i do it better, if i do say so myself.

vote or die is part of the problem

fuck puffy or p diddy or whatever that mohawked fuck is calling himself these days. this vote or die thing is totally out of hand. that said, i will now explain to all of you why i am refusing to vote i this election. here goes-

for a while i wavered, and truth be told, i damn near caved and listened to this "if you dont vote you cant bitch" propaganda. this idea is total horseshit. not only can i still bitch, i am now of the opinion that i am more able to bitch, having kept my somewhat objective mind about me while refusing to vote for "the dude running against the guy i hate," which is essentially what like 80% of the country is doing. no one knows a damn thing about either of the fuckers they are voting for, probably because neither of them (and i am limiting this part of the rant to the two candidates with any real shot to win the election) have told us anything about what the fuck they are all about. sure, we know bush will be 'tough on terrorism' and that kerry will 'create jobs' and 'punish companies for outsourcing'. but honestly, no one really knows shit about either of these guys. furthermore, the vast majority of the population have absolutely no desire to try to learn anything about either of these clowns. the majority is happy to vote simply on the basis of 'well the other guy is totally incompetent and couldnt possibly lead this country well,' while knowing practically nothing about the alternative they so eagerly endorse. i for one am fed up. so for a while i considered casting my vote for one of the other candidates (and really there are only three other parties i would consider viable options here, those being the independant party, the green party, and the libertarian party, in alphabetical order) who has no real chance of winning, but could with enough votes possibly send a message to the big two parties. but when it comes right down to it, i dont like any of their weak ass candidates either (peroutka, cobb, and badnarik repectively; nader also being an independant force), and therefore refuse to "waste" my vote on someone i also do not like. therefore, i am proudly refraining from voting in this election, one that will likely not be decided by the people anyhow, but by the courts, who are going to have to sort out all this stupid ass voter fraud, intimidation, and overall law breaking by the candidates cronies and other nutjobs intent on wreaking havoc on this country.

so, to recap here, and to add a bit as well, my reasons for withholding my vote are threefold-

1. i will not support someone who i think is a total shitbag, which thus eliminates all of this years candidates (and also means i will not be voting for the senate seat in this fine state, as those candidates are shitbags too)
   
2. my vote is meaningless in the sate of georgia anyway, in both the presidential race and the race for my representative in congress, as old cynthia regretably has that one locked up due to mass voter idiocy in this part of the world
3. it is a large hassle

so, now that that is out of the way, i will return to the vote or die issue. and i will make this brief, as it need not be long. if you know nothing about the issues or candidates of this election, you should not vote. if you cannot name the current president and vice president or if you cannot name the candidate and running mate you plan to vote for (how many nader supporters know his running mates name is camejo?), you should not vote. if you are only voting to vote someone into office or keep someone out of office, as opposed to really wanting someone in office, you should not vote. if you insist that anyone who disagrees with you is obviously not as intelligent as yourself (e.g. bill o'reilly), you should not vote. and finally, if you vote simply becasue someone else tells you you have to or you are a bad american (mtv viewers), you should not vote. this list eliminates at least 85 to 90% of the "vote or die" inspired individuals as well as much of the general population. i maintain, and will not waver, that encouraging ignorant individuals to vote for candidates and issues they know nothing about, or individuals who know only what one source has told them (e.g. fahrenheit 9/11, mtv, many talk radio listeners), is not only irresponsible, but dangerous, and cannot result in anything positive. so there you have it, my longwinded rant, written in probably less than half the time it would have taken to stand in some godforsaken line to piss away a meaningless and soul destroying vote.

i vote for a public burning of those stupid "vote or die" shirts. fuck you sean combs.

pet diaries

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:
DAY 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE !
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

DAY 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 184
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.

DAY 185
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 186
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 187
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 188
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

another blog worth visiting, if only for this one post

in fact, after reading some ohter posts, i warn some of you away. the guy is big on shock value and whatnot. but this part here is top notch. and of course, the work in progress. maybe ill post my novel, bit by bit. i may not share it though. we shall see.

flair

i will continue to cram multitudes of shite into the right hand column of my blogger until it can hold no more. why you ask? well, after i pat myself on the back for being astute enough to anticipate your questions (patting...and, done), i will explain myself. see, its like flair, man. and thats all i need to say. for a more detailed explanation you should of course reference that pinnacle of filmmaking, office space, starring ron livingston of fellow screen gem swingers. and for now, i will be off to find more flair. love it or leave it i always say- in other words, deal or get the fuck outta here.

something to think about before voting

just a link i saw and stumbled upon to see if it was even the least bit respectable. look if you wish, take it for what you will. not like its gonna change anyones mind at this point, but kind of interesting nonetheless. doubt they were polling the fucking insurgents, but whatever. clearly i dont have enough to do. my prediction for tomorrows tomfoolery- kerry by three votes. thats right, three.