headliner

well folks, it took a lot of hard work, but i have finally made my way into the body of a post by my new best friends. and not just a mention either. i truly believe (or maybe im just a bit too attention crazed) that the entire post was aimed at me. i know, i know, he mentions other people, but cmon, who really got this whole thing started. i am quite proud of myself. hell, i havent even spent more than like 5 minutes on the dude in the past like 6 days, and still he dedicates an entire post to me. this, by the way, is me running off to my own site to talk shit about our boys, even though i have posted these exact same thoughts on their blogger in not so many words. and my favorite part, old pal jesse mistakenly identifies me as a liberal, despite my insistence that i too love laughing at stupid liberals. what an amateur mistake. just because i think he is a moron, i must obviously side with the opposition. i think the atlanta hawks are the sorriest excuse for an nba team maybe ever, and yet i insist on rooting for them. i think some of my students may have the mental capacity of a turnip, and yet i do so hope for their improvement. anyhow, i blog today mainly because i havent in a while, but also to bring everyones attention to my recent upgrade to celebrity status. oh wait, i almost forgot, here is a quote from the most underrated and intellectually challenging and stimulating website of all time:

It just goes on from there, a bottomless pit of braindamaged crybabies. I want to thank the liberals who took the time to brighten my days with infantile rhetoric, irrelevent name-calling, and generally weak or half assed arguments. It all strengthens our belief that liberals are not to be taken seriously, ever

i laugh. hows that whole pot/kettle thing go again? it is i who engages in "infantile rhetoric, irrelevant name calling, and generally weak or half assed arguments" is it? well then, i must sincerely apologize. it will never happen again. to infinity, and beyond!

this guy rules

seriously, this guy and his banter are so entertaining i might soon be forced to put a permanent link to his blogger. he is apparently under the impression that he has me on the run with his comments. clearly he does not know that the chelf fears no one. unless they are armed with like rocks or something. rocks hurt. this is the type of shit i need to occasionally spice up my week. gotta love it. ooh, if he returns:

hey duder, what do you think about the fair tax? this is what you should be putting on your site. fuck al jazeera, everyone knows that they suck. lets focus on the positive, shall we?

this guy; definitely your boy

from an oh so objective blogsite entitled libhater. i had to post a response to his post entitled "MLK Day Update: Blacks Working Against Themselves." we all know how much i hate partisan bullshit. heres my response- you can visit the original site at your leisure, or dont, what do i care.

"Many wind up on the streets in gangs and idolize drug dealers. And who is there to misguide them?"
this is only a pressing issue because 'they' (and not only blacks, hell not even primarily blacks, are lured to distributing presently illicit pharmacuticals) are embracing the quite republican ideal of capitalism providing a good/service that the public demands. surely youd grant that capitalism is a beautiful thing. and as libertarians (? an assumption, true, but one i am relatively confident in makeing) surely you believe the war on drugs to be wasteful. furthermore, was this country ever about bringing races together? id argue that it was more about letting people express themselves in any manner they choose, and if that be purple coats and neckbending bling so be it. do black people really want to assimilate into white culture, or even assimilate white culture into their own? extremely doubtful. im sure theyd be content to simply get equal treatment wherever they went. true, they should stop relying on the government, but so should a shitload of poor southern white families. heres my deal- perhaps we cant let people starve, but we can abide by the "beggars cant be choosers" cliche. if you cannot provide for yourself, dont bitch about government cheese. poverty isnt supposed to be a way of life; it shouldnt be comfortable. endure it while you must, but either work like hell to get out of it, or shut the fuck up and take what comes your way. regardless, it isnt a black-white issue.

and one last morsel; shit-slinging name-calling rhetoric sure aint the way to convince "retards" to abandon their foolish ways for the greener pastures of enlightened libertarianism. fare the well.

where everybody knows your name

all- please ask greenwood about his most recent visit to atkins park. this is of course the same bar in the highlands that we visited on chris's birthday and in which he infuriated the waitress by demanding two drinks at once, only to promptly pass out right after billy whips out a benjamin and before said waitress actually arrives with the second drink for his double fisted repetoire. he then proceeds to make like a burst sewer pipe and is applauded by some dude at an adjacent table. this my friends was all in his first trip. his most recent trip to this reknowned watering hole i shall not usurp the pleasure of recounting. suffice to say, it involved falcons football, the giving away of bens seat as a peace offering to a random gaggle of females, and the phrase "nobody's talking to you like that bitch," followed by a deluge of beer upon the aforementioned 'bitch', followed by a personal escort from the premises. dawson and i of course stayed until the game was over, before dawson rolled home down the hill, careening violently into several cars along the way. luckily for greenwood, his neighbors in his new digs are not yet aware of these extracurricular activities, though i am sure they would approve wholeheartedly. until next time, you stay classy atlanta.

rollin

this will make five posts today and nine in the last five days. im on a roll bitch. if nothing else i figure this gives me permission to slip and put up like no posts for the next five days or so. we shall see. inconsistency is my middle name.

since this post should be more than just a tooting of my own horn, i will now give my opinion of this weekends impending football game here in this parking lot we call atlanta. ready? here goes-

• the falcons will lose and lose big. the rams have somehow gotten hot despite mike martz and his insistence that defense is just what happens while marc bulger gets water. the falcons have a defense as pourous as my five year old pair of holey (and at this point probably almost holy) underwear. whats that you say? they have a good defense? perhaps on paper, but for peter, paul, and mary's sake, have you seen them against a high octane passing team? they give up 20 yard plays like a certain intern gave up the poontang in the clinton white house. i venture to say the rams will throw up over 450 yards of total offense and win by 17 or so. but you know, maybe im just hedging my bets so i can either celebrate or say 'i told you so'.
  

whatever. enough. the dude abides.

definitely your boy

so this guy here has apparently tried to call every 867-5309 in the good old u.s. of a. most seem to not be in service, but from my quick scrolling it looked like there were a dozen or so that actually had people who answered or left voicemail recordings. i was quite pleased to note that an atlanta number had the most original and humorous recording. here it is (the 678 is the area code)-

678: “Wow, you’ve reached this recording because you’re a loser and have no life. You must be one of the many who has dropped out of school and is living on taxpayer money. Please hang up the phone, get a job, and make a contribution to society. Goodbye!”

even i do not have this much free time.

lets do away with kansas city

this fucking website infuriates me. they would like to ban some of the best books i have ever read, such as: Boy's Life, Catcher in the Rye, Black Boy, Fallen Angels, Slaughterhouse Five, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Going After Cacciato, The Things They Carried, and more. I am glad i stumbled across this dudes random blog to bring it to my attention so i can rant about it for a while. Here is the note i wrote to them to tell them how dumb i find their movement. im sure it could be better, but i refuse to muster too much brain power on their behalf.

I applaud your district for choosing diverse material representative of numerous cultural perspectives throughout the course of what looks to be primarily American Literature. Your organization's goal seems to be to take any resonsibility for educating your children away from the school system and place it entirely with the parents or designated caretakers. Should our goal be to educate students to the age of eighteen while developing a hatred for the process of reading and learning, or should we be instilling in them the idea that reading does not have to be a painful and irrelevant process. None of the books on the list I have seen posted at your website "promotes" scandalous or illicit behavior. Do characters sometimes engage in such acts? Certainly. Does this mirror our society at large? Certainly. If a child is to truly be 'educated' by the things that they read at school, shoudln't they be presented with things that encourage them to think?

And as a brief sidenote, Shakespeare pushed the limits of the 'acceptable' beyond what had ever been deemed so in his time. His works remain quite contoversial in many regards. For instance, Romeo and Juliet is read by practically every freshman english class in America. Should we be 'promoting' lustful sex out of wedlock? Should we be 'promoting' suicide as the answer to tough times? Should we be promoting the idea to our high school freshmen that when parents fail to listen only drastic measures will gain attention? Almost by definition 'great' literature deals with the topics that we are reluctant to come face to face with. If these topics and the language that is sometimes used to call our attention to them should be entirely removed from the curriculum, our students stand little chance of enjoying and therefore learning from their time in our schools. If parents do not like the content in some of the books and works in the curriculum, perhaps they should read these books along with their children and engage in their own constructive conversations with their children. Surely a little time spent face to face discussing difficult issues would benefit us all.

What a bunch of fucking moronic moms with nothing better to do than ruin their children's education. fuck them all

did you ever know that youre my hero

randy moss is quickly becoming my new favorite football player. this guy is fucking classic. not only does he pretend to moon the green bay fans, but when the world reacts as though its the worst thing that has ever been done on a football field he makes a mockery of the entire proceedings. this is some qaulity shit here. take a gander at the brief exchange he had with a reporter in minnesota-

Reporter: "Write the check yet, Randy?"

Moss: "When you're rich you don't write checks."

Reporter: "If you don't write checks, how do you pay these guys?"

Moss: "Straight cash, homey."

Reporter: "Randy, are you upset about the fine?"

Moss: "No, cause it ain't [expletive]. Ain't nothing but 10 grand. What's 10 grand to me? Ain't [expletive] … Next time I might shake my [expletive]."

how great is that? i cant wait to see that shit. i only hope he scores like 4 touchdowns against the eagles so i can see it again and again and again in the same game. im sick of hearing morons on espn talk about "class" and how moss is a distraction to his team. they said the same shit about dennis rodman and he only helped the bulls win 72 games in a season and three nba titles. these "professionals" get paid to entertain and to avoid distraction. if anything, old randy has only has succeeded in entertaining the hell out of me, and has perhaps created more of a distraction to the eagles and the football watching audience. honestly, i havent heard very much at all about how bad the viking d made favre look, or how good the biking o looked against the packers d. the emphasis, and all the pressure that goes with it, has been taken totally off of the vikings and their mediocre record and has instead been put on only one of the 22 starters for that team. have the other 21 starters answered any questions at all this week about the upcoming game? no way jose; theyre too busy practicing executing while randy practices his next jig. i love it all.

if only our career day had been like this

i got this article from yahoo news. great shit. this old guy should be running for president. the problem here is that everyone is up in arms about the fact that this guy told the truth to a bunch of eighth graders. we should lie to them? and whats so bad about this? as i remember, they were telling us how to have sex in fourth grade and calling it a constructive part of the curriculum. "People of zee wurl, relax."

Speaker Touts Stripping to 8th Graders

By BILEN MESFIN, Associated Press Writer

SAN FRANCISCO - The principal of a Palo Alto middle school may not invite a popular speaker back to an annual career day after he told girls they could earn a good living as strippers.

Management consultant William Fried told eighth-graders at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School on Tuesday that stripping and exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size.

"It's sick, but it's true," Fried said in an interview later. "The truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount of money as an exotic dancer, if that's your desire."

Fried has given a popular 55-minute presentation, "The Secret of a Happy Life," at the school's career day the past three years. He counsels students to experiment with a variety of interests until they discover something they love and excel in.

But school principal Joseph Di Salvo said Fried may not be back next year.

The principal said Fried's comments to the class came after some of them asked him to expand on why he included "exotic dancing" on his list of 140 potential careers.

Fried spent about a minute answering questions, defining strippers and exotic dancers synonymously. According to Jason Garcia, 14, he told students: "For every 2 inches up there, you should get another $50,000 on your salary."

"A couple of students egged him and he took it hook, line and sinker," said Di Salvo, who also said the students took advantage of a substitute teacher overseeing the session.

"It's totally inappropriate," Di Salvo said. "It's not OK by me. I would want my presenters to kind of understand that they are coming into a career day for eighth-graders."

That stripping advice wasn't the only thing that riled parents. Di Salvo said one mother said she was outraged when her son announced that he was forgoing college for a field he loves: fishing.

"He really focused on finding what you really love to do," said Mariah Cannon, 13.

Fried, 64, said he does not think he offended any of the students: "Eighth-grade kids are not dumb," he said. "They are pretty worldly."

cause i can

im adding this poem because it pleases me and because i found it on the internet after looking for a long time.

Motto

I play it cool
And dig all jive.
That’s the reason
I stay alive.

My motto,
As I live and learn,
is:
Dig And Be Dug
In Return.

Langston Hughes

NASCAR? please.

ive decided that there is without a doubt more athletic skill involved in the armwrestling competition i was watching the other day (which i could not for the life of me manage to eliminate from the screen of my tv, it was just that captivating) than there can possibly be in auto racing. honestly, is there any athletic skill involved in driving around an oval track? i understand that it gets quite hot and that these rednecks on a rampage lose quite a bit of fluid because of the temperature, and i understand that you most certainly have to have a screw loose to drive that rapidly at a mere inches from another car also travelling that rapidly, but i still fail to see where the use of highly trained groups of muscles comes into play here. though i suppose the old glutes do get quite a bit of work.

anyhow, enough of my day has now been wasted on something as meaningless as nascar. on to more important subject matter. i feel i should now spend several lines raving about the executive at nickelodeon who finally gave the greenlight to the reruns of the fresh prince of bel aire. i have been waiting for quite some time for this show to replace some weak link in the weeknight lineup. i did not think that cheers was the weak link, but ill take my cheers on tvland if i must. i had almost forgotten how much i enjoyed seeing jazz get thrown out the front door, and the uncle phil fat jokes never get old. it is nice to know that there is life on nick at night after the cosby show. good stuff. hoorah.

and a quick yeay for me for finally eclipsing the 500 hits mark since the counter went up a while back. i rule.

moon over green bay

for the record right quick here-
the nfl's decision to fine randy moss is absolute nonsense. can enyone tell me what exactly he did wrong here? the man is a paid entertainer. he entertained. i was laughing my ass off when he turned and gestured and whatnot to the fans in green bay. whats the matter green bay? dont like seeing randy disrespect you and your boys? then field a fucking competitive team instead of letting randy go waltzing into the endzone on numerous occasions. the nfl has to decide how they want to run shit. they must either ban all celebrations or deal with the ones the players come up with. now if randy actually whips his ass out and shows it to people maybe this discussion is a different one, but considering the circumstances, the only crime randy moss commited on sunday was refusing to braid his hair. my god that fro looked awful.

sabbatical

apologies for the extended hiatus. holidays and all. but here is a brief glimpse at some of the things you have missed.

• i went to boston. i went ice skating. i will be joining the icecapades any day now.
• team half a chance is 0-3. there have been flashes of potential brilliance however. like coming back from a 9 point deficit in the third quarter the other day (they had 5 points the entire first half, 15 in the third quarter).
• i saw bippy. he remains bip-tacular (that really is the best i could do there. sorry.).
• i saw dawson. he told me all about his free trip to the bahamas and how much it sucked. wes drank horribly expensive beer with men and dawson got food poisoning. yee-haw.
• i have started school again with new classes. so far so good. not yet fired.
• i have run out of bowl games to watch. how much did that fucking usc-oklahoma game suck ass? and worse even than the game was the end of the halftime show (the only part i saw). that display by ashlee simpson should be enough to get her exiled to st. helena to live with napolean's ghost. good heavens was that bad.
  
• i wore the chelf for president shit to school on the teacher workday. the campaign is in stellar shape. come 2008 when we hit the homestretch (the last 8 years) we should have tons of momentum.

that is all i have for now. perhaps more shall follow in the future, but i must shake off the rust after a month of nonblogging, which may take a while. patience, dear reader. patience.